Autumn Anywhere

Is it getting funner, or is just me? 

A few weeks ago I decided quietly and suddenly to maximize my time while I am here as this version of me. I tend to look so fondly upon the past that I'm confident future me will do the same about now. I love the me from before. She's so wild, brave and determined. I find one sad bit about growing up is that not unlike a child, we know how badly it can hurt so we're scared to just jump. 

Truthfully though I'm still wild. I'm still brave as hell and determined to find beauty and create peacefulness. Others seem amused that I go to restaurants and movies alone, but if I didn't I would never go anywhere and it's just different in Los Angeles I guess to be some place alone where as in New York no one gives a damn. I prefer the energy of the latter.

The point is I've given up trying to be like the former and just re-became myself and it feels so right. Going to Sqirl for breakfast alone with the Joe Dispenza book my entire family is currently reading. Next hopping over to Intelligentsia for matcha because I'm simply not ready to go home yet. Booking a last minute movie across town at the Academy Museum because I'm curious to see what's going on over there. Oh wait it's in French they've surely got sub-titles...

Receive an invitation somewhere? No thinking, just go. I want to wear the absurd blue ballerina dress, so I do. Just the way I used to in New York where nobody gave a damn. And I get some smiles and I act like we met before and we hug and now we do! It's like magic when you believe in the possibility of the moment meaning more.

I only dream I'm in New York every other night now. It's too easy to feel self conscious. I wish we never had to bite our tongues or worry about saying the wrong thing. My advice is let's step up throw that to the wind. The worst that can happen is that it hurts and it really I know it really does hurt, I'm still going to jump.